10 Random Poker Quotes

• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• "It's always good to get a nice dick-suckin before a tournament...it calms the senses." Alex Powers
• "The kiddie game is down the street!" - Mike "the Mouth" Matusow
• How can I miss the flop so bad that I don't even have a straight draw? -Jdoe
• "There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a "flush". It is enough to make one ashamed of the species." --Mark Twain
• Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear: son, don't take that bet, for, as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.
• The problem with slowplaying the nuts is that there might be somebody else slowplaying a hand they only think is the nuts. -Gary Carson
• Play like a cunt, get fucked like one!
• I don't really mind getting bad beats. Of course, 9 times out of 10, my superior cards will win. But that 1 time in 10 that someone catches lucky cards and beats me, I don't get mad. Because each of the next 9 times they think they can catch something adds another inch to my television.
• Most poker players agree, having sex is much akin to playing a game - both require a good hand.