10 Random Poker Quotes

• I should have stayed home and played with myself.
• If you lock 100 retards in a room and make them play a tournament, one of them has to win. If you do that in each state, you will produce 50 state champions. If you lock those 50 retards in a room, call it the Poker Championship of the Universe, one of them has to win, and then PokerStars gets 10%.
• If you raise with 72 offsuit, you get to raise when the flops is 7-7-2, ... once in your life. If you fold 72 offsuit, you get the free time to study your opponents or the waitresses and avoid polishing the rail with your sweater ... tough decision!
• Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.
• I don't really mind getting bad beats. Of course, 9 times out of 10, my superior cards will win. But that 1 time in 10 that someone catches lucky cards and beats me, I don't get mad. Because each of the next 9 times they think they can catch something adds another inch to my television.
• Nobody knows where the hobo goes when it snows.
• "I swear to god if you beat me and i will get my gun out of the car and kill you...and your family." -Uncle Remus
• when you win its got to make a difference when you lose its got to hurt.
• Life is a gamble at terrible odds if it was a bet you would never take it
• I've raised with cards less attractive than what's in my toilet after I took a dump in it. - Gus Hansen