10 Random Poker Quotes

• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"
• Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. — Steven Wright
• "I thought it was jack's" - Phil Helmuth Jr. WSOP vs. Jason Lester
• "No river, no fish."
• Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.
• "I swear to god if you beat me and i will get my gun out of the car and kill you...and your family." -Uncle Remus
• Think of how stupid the median poker player is. By definition, half of them are dumber than that.
• Dan: I got the ace too, but I have nothing to kick you with. Ian: Well, you could always take your shoe off.
• To win a bit of money, make your opponent think your hand is stronger than it is. To win a lot of money, make him think your hand is weaker than it is. - Josh Avery
• Fook the floosh droo!