10 Random Poker Quotes

I should have stayed home and played with myself.
When I was young, I heard that all you need is a chip and chair. Now that I am old, I realize that they weren't talking about tortilla chips.
Playing poker for play money is like going to a strip club for the food. -UncleWaldo
what is a river if there is no river to draw to water
When I play badly, I lose fast. When I play well, I lose slowly. In a tournament, the net result is the same: I LOSE! - RH 11-6-05
they call it poker because the word "FUCK" was taken.
"Percentage players die broke too, Burt." -Fast Eddie Felson "The Hustler"
Right now I only play online poker. If I ever play live poker, raise preflop with a good hand, get called by someone with a 52 who hits a straight, I am walking over to that person to knock out his teeth. Congratulations you idiot.
In order to live, you must be willing to die - Amir Vahedi
I cried because I had no draw, until I met a man with no pair.