10 Random Poker Quotes

• I play like a mullet: tight up front and loose in the back.
• Right now I only play online poker. If I ever play live poker, raise preflop with a good hand, get called by someone with a 52 who hits a straight, I am walking over to that person to knock out his teeth. Congratulations you idiot.
• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"
• "Just play every hand, you can't miss them all." -Sammy Farha's reply to, "How does he do it?"
• Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear: son, don't take that bet, for, as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.
• No bad beat can withstand the assault of laughter!
• "Does this look like a man beat by jacks!"-Rounders
• "First you're a champ, then you're a chimp, then you're a chump." [I was told this was a quote from Phil Hellmuth]
• "I better straighten out my game, before I flush all my money down the toilet" - D. Drury
• Poker - love the pain or play checkers. - MoeSyzslak