10 Random Poker Quotes

• Think of how stupid the average poker player is. By definition, half of them are dumber than that.
• "No river, no fish."
• "You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine." (Phil Ivey, to Howard Lederer)
• "never count your money when your sitting at the table, there will be time enough for counting, when the dealings done."
• Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.
• Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear: son, don't take that bet, for, as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.
• If you lock 100 retards in a room and make them play a tournament, one of them has to win. If you do that in each state, you will produce 50 state champions. If you lock those 50 retards in a room, call it the Poker Championship of the Universe, one of them has to win, and then PokerStars gets 10%.
• "I raise, therefore I am." - Howard Lederer
• In order to live, you must be willing to die - Amir Vahedi
• See AA before the flop is like a smile from the girl of your dreams, see AA lose to a pour hand on the river feels like the same chick just gave you a bad case of blue balls