10 Random Poker Quotes

• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"
• "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright
• Frying bacon is much like playing poker; in each, a pig must be slaughtered and consumed by a superior being.
• "It's always good to get a nice dick-suckin before a tournament...it calms the senses." Alex Powers
• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• How can I miss the flop so bad that I don't even have a straight draw? -Jdoe
• "Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?" - Mike McDermott (Rounders, 1998)
• With all the new poker players I cant play holdem with a pair of gloves
• "I thought it was jack's" - Phil Helmuth Jr. WSOP vs. Jason Lester
• Never educate a stupid poker player.