10 Random Poker Quotes

• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"
• All I wanted in my divorce settlement was my computer - Pokerroom.com
• Two cowboys at table. One suddenly plunges a dagger through the hand of the other player, pinning the hand to the table. Then he says to his wounded opponent, "Sir, if that is not an ace of spades hidden beneath your hand, then I owe you an apology."
• "Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."
• Whaddya think you're playing against- an empty chair?
• How can I miss the flop so bad that I don't even have a straight draw? -Jdoe
• "Never go broke in an unraised pot" -T.J. Cloutier
• Poker is like sex - everyone thinks that they are the best at it but few actually know what they are doing - Layne Flack
• Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear: son, don't take that bet, for, as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.