10 Random Poker Quotes

• When I was young, I heard that all you need is a chip and chair. Now that I am old, I realize that they weren't talking about tortilla chips.
• "So again, do not raise in No Limit Hold'em -- especially tournaments -- if there is a reasonable chance that a reraise will make you throw up." -- David Sklansky (Tournament Poker for Advanced Players)
• "It's always good to get a nice dick-suckin before a tournament...it calms the senses." Alex Powers
• "Never go broke in an unraised pot" -T.J. Cloutier
• With all the new poker players I cant play holdem with a pair of gloves
• Hold em' is like sex... everyone thinks they are great at it, but most people dont know what the hell they are doing.
• I couldn't bet it, so I gave my Aunt $2 to make a bet for me. She didn't want me to be disappointed by losing my first bet, so she bought a show ticket. The horse won. It's been 40 years, I still havn't spoken to her again. --Gary Carson
• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"
• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• Seldom do the lambs slaughter the butcher. -Amarillo Slim