10 Random Poker Quotes

• How do you get a professional poker player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
• If you lock 100 retards in a room and make them play a tournament, one of them has to win. If you do that in each state, you will produce 50 state champions. If you lock those 50 retards in a room, call it the Poker Championship of the Universe, one of them has to win, and then PokerStars gets 10%.
• "If the flop don't fit, you must aquit" -Matt Thornton, Dayton, Ohio
• Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. — Steven Wright
• what is a river if there is no river to draw to water
• never rub another mans rhubarb, unless he has the nuts - Jack Nicholson
• What did the pocket 3's say to the pocket 2's? Your a dead duck.
• "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker." - Mike McDermott (Rounders, 1998)
• Upon entering a cardroom in which a player had never before played, he asked the floorman for a 10-20 hold-em seat. The floorman dutifully put him on the list and told him that the only available seat was at 3-6 Omaha HiLo. The player quipped, "No, I don't have enough money to play limits that high."
• they call it poker because the word "FUCK" was taken.