10 Random Poker Quotes

• women can't play poker cause they don't have the nuts
• "Does this look like a man beat by jacks!"-Rounders
• When I was young, I heard that all you need is a chip and chair. Now that I am old, I realize that they weren't talking about tortilla chips.
• Remember these three simple words and you'll never go broke........ "Stick em Up!"
• "Hold em is to stud what chess is to checkers." -- Johnny Moss
• Trying to find the odds (not percentage) for this hand. One person has JJ the other 1010. On the flop is J 10 10, what are the odds of this happening?
• Think of how stupid the median poker player is. By definition, half of them are dumber than that.
• Two cowboys at table. One suddenly plunges a dagger through the hand of the other player, pinning the hand to the table. Then he says to his wounded opponent, "Sir, if that is not an ace of spades hidden beneath your hand, then I owe you an apology."
• Whaddya think you're playing against- an empty chair?
• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"