10 Random Poker Quotes

• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.
• Take me to the river. Wash me in the water.
• Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.
• I cried because I had no draw, until I met a man with no pair.
• I have two small pair.....8's and 8's.
• Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.
• "Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?" - Mike McDermott (Rounders, 1998)
• Right now I only play online poker. If I ever play live poker, raise preflop with a good hand, get called by someone with a 52 who hits a straight, I am walking over to that person to knock out his teeth. Congratulations you idiot.
• "You can shear a sheep many times; you can skin it only once." -- Amarillo Slim