10 Random Poker Quotes

I've raised with cards less attractive than what's in my toilet after I took a dump in it. - Gus Hansen
How do you get a professional poker player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
"Does this look like a man beat by jacks!"-Rounders
when i folded an A-7 suited under the gun which would've ended up giving me the small end of a mini jackpot, my dad said, "yeah, if i would've driven to Tucson, I would've found that diamond ring. But i don't drive to Tucson."
Fold and live to fold again
"You can shear a sheep many times; you can skin it only once." -- Amarillo Slim
"I want him to think that I am pondering a call, but all I'm really thinkin about it Vegas and the fuckin' Mirage." - Mike McDermott (Rounders, 1998)
Right now I only play online poker. If I ever play live poker, raise preflop with a good hand, get called by someone with a 52 who hits a straight, I am walking over to that person to knock out his teeth. Congratulations you idiot.
(after a particularly bad beat) "that was a terrible call" "it's called gambling" "no it's called really sucking at life especially poker and trying to throw your money away because your life is useless and you have been pondering suicide for the last week but getting lucky enough to keep it"
Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.