10 Random Poker Quotes

• The one who bets the most wins; cards just break ties.
• i dont play any two suited cards. I play any two non suited cards, that way i am drawing at two different flushes
• The problem with slowplaying the nuts is that there might be somebody else slowplaying a hand they only think is the nuts. -Gary Carson
• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• (after a particularly bad beat) "that was a terrible call" "it's called gambling" "no it's called really sucking at life especially poker and trying to throw your money away because your life is useless and you have been pondering suicide for the last week but getting lucky enough to keep it"
• Never educate a stupid poker player.
• "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright
• "I'd rather be lucky than good" - Lefty Gomez
• Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.
• Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.