10 Random Poker Quotes

• Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.
• (after a particularly bad beat) "that was a terrible call" "it's called gambling" "no it's called really sucking at life especially poker and trying to throw your money away because your life is useless and you have been pondering suicide for the last week but getting lucky enough to keep it"
• Hold em' is like sex... everyone thinks they are great at it, but most people dont know what the hell they are doing.
• "never count your money when your sitting at the table, there will be time enough for counting, when the dealings done."
• Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear: son, don't take that bet, for, as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.
• I've noticed something funny ... the more I practice, the luckier I get. -- Jack Nicklaus
• How do you get a professional poker player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
• when a player asks me for lucky chips, i say they weren't lucky for the person i got them from
• Acey Deucy Never Leucy --Phil Hellmuth
• "You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine." (Phil Ivey, to Howard Lederer)