10 Random Poker Quotes

• I couldn't bet it, so I gave my Aunt $2 to make a bet for me. She didn't want me to be disappointed by losing my first bet, so she bought a show ticket. The horse won. It's been 40 years, I still havn't spoken to her again. --Gary Carson
• Liquor up front, poker in the rear
• "It's always good to get a nice dick-suckin before a tournament...it calms the senses." Alex Powers
• "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright
• The next best thing to playing and winning is playing and losing. --Nick the Greek
• What did the pocket 3's say to the pocket 2's? Your a dead duck.
• Most poker players agree, having sex is much akin to playing a game - both require a good hand.
• Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
• Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.
• "First you're a champ, then you're a chimp, then you're a chump." [I was told this was a quote from Phil Hellmuth]