10 Random Poker Quotes

• Right now I only play online poker. If I ever play live poker, raise preflop with a good hand, get called by someone with a 52 who hits a straight, I am walking over to that person to knock out his teeth. Congratulations you idiot.
• If you lock 100 retards in a room and make them play a tournament, one of them has to win. If you do that in each state, you will produce 50 state champions. If you lock those 50 retards in a room, call it the Poker Championship of the Universe, one of them has to win, and then PokerStars gets 10%.
• Upon entering a cardroom in which a player had never before played, he asked the floorman for a 10-20 hold-em seat. The floorman dutifully put him on the list and told him that the only available seat was at 3-6 Omaha HiLo. The player quipped, "No, I don't have enough money to play limits that high."
• There's only one concept to understand in poker: at the end walk out with more money than you walked in with.
• "Take my advice and do as you please" - TJ Cloutier
• "I already messed this hand up pretty good, so I may as well call." Chris Ferguson
• How can I miss the flop so bad that I don't even have a straight draw? -Jdoe
• "I swear to god if you beat me and i will get my gun out of the car and kill you...and your family." -Uncle Remus
• what is a river if there is no river to draw to water
• Don't challenge strong players, challange weak ones. That's what they're there for. - John Vorhaus, author of Killer Poker