10 Random Poker Quotes

I've raised with cards less attractive than what's in my toilet after I took a dump in it. - Gus Hansen
A great poker player knows when he is playing poorly.
When you're drawing dead, you always get there.
Poker is like masturbating. It's fun, highly addictive, and eventually gives you the feeling of getting fucked.
"You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine." (Phil Ivey, to Howard Lederer)
in the poker game of life women are the rake
To win a bit of money, make your opponent think your hand is stronger than it is. To win a lot of money, make him think your hand is weaker than it is. - Josh Avery
Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear: son, don't take that bet, for, as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.
Think of how stupid the median poker player is. By definition, half of them are dumber than that.
women can't play poker cause they don't have the nuts