10 Random Poker Quotes

• what is a river if there is no river to draw to water
• they call it poker because the word "FUCK" was taken.
• I played poker with a real 10 last night, however on a slow night she only charges 5!
• If only I'd read, "Winning at Internet Poker For Dummies." 'Til now, I never thought I qualified.
• when a player asks me for lucky chips, i say they weren't lucky for the person i got them from
• If you raise with 72 offsuit, you get to raise when the flops is 7-7-2, ... once in your life. If you fold 72 offsuit, you get the free time to study your opponents or the waitresses and avoid polishing the rail with your sweater ... tough decision!
• God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffible game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. --Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"
• "First you're a champ, then you're a chimp, then you're a chump." [I was told this was a quote from Phil Hellmuth]
• Right now I only play online poker. If I ever play live poker, raise preflop with a good hand, get called by someone with a 52 who hits a straight, I am walking over to that person to knock out his teeth. Congratulations you idiot.
• Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. — Steven Wright