10 Random Poker Quotes

• If you don't want to get beat on the river, don't get in a hand with me. -- Dan Nelson
• I couldn't bet it, so I gave my Aunt $2 to make a bet for me. She didn't want me to be disappointed by losing my first bet, so she bought a show ticket. The horse won. It's been 40 years, I still havn't spoken to her again. --Gary Carson
• How do you get a professional poker player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
• "I raise, therefore I am." - Howard Lederer
• Think of how stupid the average poker player is. By definition, half of them are dumber than that.
• You have to piss with the dick you have
• Got married to a hand, and discovered I got set up with a she-male.
• Poker is like sex - everyone thinks that they are the best at it but few actually know what they are doing - Layne Flack
• "You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine." (Phil Ivey, to Howard Lederer)
• If you lock 100 retards in a room and make them play a tournament, one of them has to win. If you do that in each state, you will produce 50 state champions. If you lock those 50 retards in a room, call it the Poker Championship of the Universe, one of them has to win, and then PokerStars gets 10%.