10 Random Poker Quotes

• "What's the sound of shuffling a single card?" - tidytom
• " Dear Lord, help me to break even. I need the money."
• I used to go out, go dancing, and talk to the chicks. Now, my life has been down-sized to the couch, the laptop, and the occasional cranberry and rum. --The 5 card stud---
• If you lock 100 retards in a room and make them play a tournament, one of them has to win. If you do that in each state, you will produce 50 state champions. If you lock those 50 retards in a room, call it the Poker Championship of the Universe, one of them has to win, and then PokerStars gets 10%.
• Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.
• I should have stayed home and played with myself.
• "Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."
• When you're drawing dead, you always get there.
• After taking a beat: "How bad do they play?...This is the World Series of Poker!" -Phil Hellmuth Jr.
• How do you get a professional poker player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.